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Is Virginity Still an Issue Nowadays?

August 24, 2005 By: Bing Category: boys losing virginity, girls losing virginity, loosing virginity, losing virginity, virginity

When Papsie was still my boyfriend, he had this to say when asked about women’s virginity, “Hindi naman importante sa akin kung hindi na virgin ang isang babae. Unang-una, minahal mo siya at niligawan nang hindi nalalaman kung ano ang buong katauhan niya. Nai-inlove ka naman ng di inaasahan, nangyayari iyon na di mo naman alam kung sino talaga ang taong iyon. (It is not important for me if a girl had lost her virginity already to somebody. In the first place you loved the person and courted her not knowing fully who she is. You fall in love unexpectedly, it happens without really knowing first the entirety of the person.)” I was taken aback with those words simply because all the while I had this idea that all men wanted a virgin wife. To this he retorted fast, “Sino naman ang aayaw doon? (Who would not want a virgin wife)” And continued with his opinion that it doesn’t mean otherwise that it is a prerequisite for him.

Odd it may seem for me to hear a man with those words; it had me reflecting whether it is really an issue. The attitude of men towards virginity, I believe, is still universal – that they value it more than women valued men’s. Though the matter is congruent to a country’s culture, tradition and customs, it is still a universal belief that female chastity is a matter of morality.

Together with the fast paced technology coming in the Philippines, almost everybody is aware now that the presence or the absence of the hymen is not an indicator of virginity though historically it was. Virginity is more of the state of the mind. It refers to the unspoiled state – that of being untouched, unexplored or unspoiled. But does it really matter to a relationship? Is it really a big factor for a successful and meaningful bonding?

We go to the question – is virginity still an issue nowadays? I have no idea actually. I maybe guessing depending on the trend today, which are mostly from beliefs evolving from other cultures such as the Western culture. Filipinos are generally mutable. Observe how the F4 fad affected the multitude of the young generation of today (including some of those not young anymore) – from the haircut to the outfit. With this example, one can say that the trend today is you have to be “in”. I wonder if that would include how the youth consider virginity. Is it still regarded as a virtue – that is a big question I think?

A 20 plus-year-old chat friend once told me that the girls or the women nowadays are ‘hot’. I was a bit affronted by the remark not sure if that was a good or a bad one. And waited for more quips before I give my own. He continued by saying sometimes it is the girls who initiate and they are as young as high school students. That is disturbing to hear but I am not really ‘friends’ with this guy so I was not sure if he was just blowing his horn. I replied that situations differ and so does people, too. He may had been exposed to that circle of friends where the girls are very liberal with their way of thinking.

One cannot alter the fact that mothers are very protective of their daughters. I maybe considered as one especially about my daughter’s welfare. I don’t discuss this whole thing about virginity directly but I always remind her that she has to reserve something for herself when she loves so that if she meets the right guy, there will still be more and complications will not affect the relationship. I know that I have to be direct one day but not today. There are still ample tomorrows to chat about men. I might be prepared by that time to elaborate why some men value virginity before a wedding night though not all men highly prized it at all.

I may also be blunt and tell my daughter that some men just wanted honesty but generally, all of them dream of a virgin wife (why the heck tease the girls to bed?) But sometimes I have these lines of thoughts – are these efforts to protect virginity a way of controlling female sexuality? That would be oppressive, on the other hand, don’t you think?

40 Comments to “Is Virginity Still an Issue Nowadays?”


  1. nyek, ngayon na lang ako ulit dumalaw, ganto pa entry mo iha miya!

    Um, to the question of whether or not it is important, let’s do the card description.

    Aces varies on four types: heart, spade, club and diamond. Now, how you present your card to your man is all up to you. It’s a case-to-case basis naman din kasi kung tutuusin. Like merong na-devirginize at their early age for their flirtatious acts. While others due to their past love or humiliating breakups nor failed marriages which has become part of their bitter fate that’s not within their control.

    Now this subject has been hashed and rehashed over and over again in our culture. You know.. admiration for the girl’s “purity”. But in the cases like your man loves you so much, depending on how he would take your whole being and not to condemn you in the end, is really all up to him.
    But then laying all you aces to him first hand will do you just fine.

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  2. hija mia, sabi mo dyan palagi ka sa haws ko! ikaw talaga…

    i agree that laying the cards is one fine strategy. that is similar to being honest. but i believe that the times are changing now and people are becoming more and more open-minded.

    though it is not really based on my personal experience, i think if a man loves truly enough, virginity is not a woman’s market value.

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  3. virginity shouldn’t be an issue in a relationship. what counts are love and compatibility. besides, it’s unfair for a man to want a virgin partner when he himself isn’t virgin anymore. but of course, it’s a bonus if the girl’s hymen is still intact.

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  4. ahahahaha aliw ako dun sa final words! sino nga ba naman ang aayaw dun, ika nga ni Papsie.

    teka…it’s unfair for a man to want a virgin partner when he himself isn’t virgin anymore why would it be unfair for a man??? di ba mas unfair dafat sa isang babae yun kung mag de demand ang isang lalaki na dafat virgin pa siya and the guy is not chaste anymore? nahilo yata ako dun, a. explain, explain he he

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  5. Translation: “hindi fair [pause] na ang isang lalaki ay magnanais na birhen pa ang babae kung siya mismo ay hindi na rin birhen.”

    Napakaseryoso naman natin. Magkape na nga lang tayo Bing. Hehe.

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  6. I mean, seryoso sa comment. :-)

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  7. hello! napakaseryoso ng topic! hehehe…

    well, as with Abaniko, i do agree that nowadays, virginity is ’somehow’ no longer an issue in the male filipino populace. i think the important things are love, honesty and compatibility.

    This does not however mean that women at an early age should be going out there gallivanting and philandering just because men are now more understanding about the virginity issue. ;)

    i do personally beleieve that the young should not be encouraged to engage in the act, considering the risks and their vulnerability when things get out of control.

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  8. I suppose we live in a society that is a lot more permissive than it was decades ago. Open-minded? Maybe…but then it could also mean we have become numbed by the thought that since a lot of people are “tolerating” not just this particular issue, then maybe it’s okay. Yon ang nakakatakot. That people start thinking na since the majority “approves”, okay na yon. Parang going with the tide.

    Of course maraming factors and that is why this subject and other moral issues as well should be regarded also based on the unique circumstances that surround them.

    I do agree though that if a man really loves a woman, he can see past that issue. Because that is not the only basis for a strong and lasting relationship. It’s not love being blind…but contrary to that, love seeing everything, good or bad, and still accepting the person for who she/he is.

    And also true that if men would demand that from women, it should work the other way around too..hindi yung double standards ba.

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  9. It’s just a piece of hymen being torn when allowed to,or perhaps, paid to (wag naman) or worse, forcefully taken (wag naman ulit..). But IMO,it shouldn’t be the requirement of a ‘happy marriage” but I don’t want to be a plastic…sabi nga ni Papa mo…sino nga bang aayaw don.

    I guess it’s just part of that “man thing” to seek for it but when we get it, we realized that there’s more important than that!

    pero alam mo…virgin pa ako….LMAO! hehehehe

    nice post here…Bing, Long live…

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    11
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  13. Well, maybe in rather backward cultures men want a virgin wife. I wouldn’t want one. I prefer a wife who
    I know will enjoy sex and isn’t marrying me just to make babies.

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  14. Nico, i still didn’t get it he he

    sobra bang serious?? daya nito, e, serious ang topic, e.

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  15. you hit the nail, dops – love, honesty and compatibility will make a relationship work.

    i just hope that this entry doesnt give that impression that it is okay to flirt and have sex with anyone anytime a woman feels the urge. this is not with the purpose, too, to encourage the young to engage with the act at an early age. God, i hope not a single youngster would misinterpret…

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  16. hi Blue,

    interesting points of view. i say yes that it is alarming when we just go with the tide though something needs to be addressed rightfully, especially the moral issues.

    the double standard prevalent in our country is alarming, too, though it had improved to a considerable degree.

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  17. okay ka, Flex J, a! very light ang dating though you certainly have a point saying it shouldnt be a requirement for a happy marriage..

    blog on!

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  18. anonymous #1 that’s not my concern as of the present… he he

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  19. anonymous #3 i like the site.. that part about the causes of high cholesterol and other facts. added to my favorites already.

    thanks!

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  20. Sabi nga ni…. mas maganda daw ma devirginize ng bata pa kesa maging virgin na matanda ka na.

    Sabi nga sa isang commercial naka tikim ka na ba ng Virgin? (referring to Virgin Atlantic airlines ni Branson).

    Gusto kong umaray!

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  21. backward as a word to describe countries that regard virginity highly is a little harsh, beethoven. nevertheless, i respect your opinion and admire the thought that women are not created just to REPRODUCE but also to enjoy the pleasures of being a woman.

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  22. oist, K! ano ba ang dafat kung tanong sa ‘yo? na devirginize ka na ba nang maaga??? ha ha o nakatikim ka na ba ng virgin?? he he

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  26. Anonymous says:

    I think saving one’s self for marriage is a good way of preserving the marriage. Both men and women should remain virgins until married. Here’s why:

    1) I believe that it’s God’s original plan for men and women. Many Bible passages point this out.

    2) Imagine this: take two pieces of masking tape, and put the sticky sides together. Try to pull them apart. Not easy to do. But take one fresh piece of tape and stick it to a used piece, then another, then another, and soon that fresh piece will not stick so easily to any tape, especially other used pieces. That’s how it is with sex. Everytime you have sex with someone, you give a little piece of yourself away. If it’s the same person, this is a good thing, but it it’s other people, it’s not good. Eventually you lose your ability to truly bond with that special someone.

    If you have already had several sexual partners, start anew, choosing for yourself a ” secondary virginity. ” Wait for the right person, and don’t have sex until you’re married. You are worth it.

    I have 5 kids, and have counseled them this way. They are determined to wait, and enjoy sex within God’s boundary of marriage.

    Jill

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  27. I guess women are at a disadvantage because their anatomy allows them to detect their virginity! Men can sow their seeds at random and no one would ever figure out. Preservation of virginity hence sexual purity before marriage is a dictate from culture and religion. The hypocrisy of the whole thing men aren’t measured by sexual purity while women are. In short, there would be two classes of women – those who sleep around to cater to the desires of men and those who don’t and are supposed to be married by the same men when they finally decide to settle down. Sadly, the Filipino culture still typifies this mentality.

    Rico Puno is one of these pathetic jerks who make a habit of denigrating women through his tacky virginity jokes. At one of his concerts, he called a large section of women in the audience – who among you are virgins? Coming from a mediocre looking guy , you will have an idea what kind of men THINK this way.

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  28. that is full of wisdom, Jill, especially about #2. i would gladly share this during supper with my kids, or when everybody in the family is around. i think it would serve as a reminder and an inspiration to my daughter, especially.

    hope to see you around again! thanks a lot!

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  29. but Jill, i just wanted to add… albeit women are ‘worth it’, there are unique circumstances that should be considered and understood. some women’s experiences are different from others who wait, so i think it is not something to be sneered at but something to emphatize…

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  30. that is more a pleasant opinion – the Filipinos typify that culture where women are belittled because they are women. that makes me smirk sometimes – the likes of R Puno. he is not even that handsome or attractive to treat women like that. it is really ironic…

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  31. Anonymous says:

    Bing, Thank you for the warm welcome!

    About my first comment, I didn’t mean to come off as sneering, rather as warning. I know the pain, shame, and embarrassment of not waiting. I know why I didn’t: coming from a broken home, I was looking for a man of my own to love and count on, and figured sex was part of that package deal. If I could do it over again, I wouldn’t have set my standards for my worth so low. I was worth waiting for, I just didn’t know it at the time. The young man would’ve respected my limits, but I didn’t give him the chance to.

    What circumstances require sex outside of marriage? I’m curious.

    ~ Jill

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  32. virginity has never been an issue to me and my generation. if it was not for my generation, e di lalo na nowadays. i believe it was an issue only during the time of maria clara when everything extra-marital and anything to do with sex was considered a sin.

    in most men, nowadays, virginity will be a minor issue when choosing a spouse. mas marami pang characteristics ang mas importante kesa virginity ng babae. sa iba nga ayaw pa ng virgin. if i meet a woman in late 20s who is still a virgin, magtataka pa ako at baka may diprensiya siya.

    musta na balae. sorry ngayon lang ako nakapag blog hop uli. busy e.

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  33. nice topic… =)

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  34. thank you for being honest, Jill. it is not that those circumstances ‘require’ sex. there are women who are victims. much as they wanted to remain a virgin, situations prohibit them. for example, a rape victim cannot choose to remain chaste before marriage though she may have wanted to. innocent girls held as sex slaves by ‘monsters’ and they are not even aware of it. women who are forced to enter prostitution because of poverty, etc.

    your concern is very much appreciated, Jill. please come often. btw, do you have a blog site?

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  35. hi, KU! naks, busy ang in-demand na blogger. oks lang, balae, no problemo.

    what generation ba iyon, KU? 70s? what i know is the times before this new generation, conservative ang karamihan ng mga lalaki. you may have belonged to the group na unprejudiced.

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  36. Virginity? What right does a man have to expect a woman to be a virgin kung siya mismo eh kaliwa’t-kanan ang pag-devirginize sa mga chicks? I sound so chauvinistic ha ha ha!!

    Pero sa totoo lang, sa panahon ngayon, iba na rin ang mga kabataan. Masyado na silang makabago at wala ng pagpapahalaga sa virginity. They are more liberated na. Hayyyy

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  37. hi, rhada!

    yea, what right do they have? LOL another chauvinist, no?

    i just wish that would not be the case. it is frustrating if the youth would resort more and more to nonchalance regarding the worth of virginity.

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  38. I think there’s a large cultural component in men’s (and women’s) attitudes towards virginity. I have it on good authority (okay, I read some informal research on a romance author’s blog) that many men prefer not to have the pressure of being ‘the first’. There’s something to be said for being able to enjoy sexual experiences without guilt, pain or the threat of eternal damnation. :-) On the other hand, just because someone is technically a virgin doesn’t mean they’ve never had an encounter with Mrs Palmer and her five children…

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  39. hi, Kat, you’re very right, culture plays a role on how men and women think about virginity.

    many men prefer not to have the pressure of being ‘the first’ – it is the opposite that i know, well, maybe from the past decades, that men always wanted to be the first.

    thanks for dropping by.

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  40. Sorry for taking so long to respond! The kids just started school this week and it’s been crazy.

    I certainly understand that some women and girls, poor things, cannot abstain until marriage because they are horribly preyed upon. ( Having 2 teen daughters, that is one of my worst fears, and I pray they never face that. ) I was talking about *choosing* to have sex or not. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

    I do have a blog here on blogger. Come and see me sometime! :-)

    ~ Jill

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